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The Scottish Midgie – A survival guide

So, what is the ‘midge’?

Here’s what the Oxford dictionary has to say about this little creature:

Midge   | mij |

Noun

1 a small two-winged fly that is often seen in swarms near water or marshy areas where it breeds. Ÿ The families Chironomidae (the nonbiting midges), and Ceratopogonidae (see BITING MIDGE): numerous species.

2 informal – a small person

Now, here’s what we have to say about this tiny fly:

Firstly, forget the Oxford Dictionary’s second point – this blog is NOT a guide on the repellence of dwarfs. That would be sick.

Secondly, the Oxford Dictionary is wrong. Here in Scotland, the home of the pest in question, we pronounce it ‘midgie’ (plural: ‘midgies’).

Thirdly, our definition is much more simple. Midgies are, for all intents and purposes, a pain in the arse…or arm, or leg, or face, or any other bared inch of your being that they care to chow down on.  With that in mind, we’ve put together this handy guide to avoiding and repelling the little pests. Don’t say we’re not good to you.

cartoon knock up of the midge

STEP ONE: know your enemy

The art of war teaches us that we must know our enemy, so while the Oxford Dictionary has kindly provided us with the beginning of our education into this insect, we though it important to arm you with some more ‘fun midgie facts’ as a basis for your battle against these beasties.

So, now that you’re more familiar with our friend the midgie, we can move swiftly on to step two: how to avoid or repel it!

 

STEP TWO: How to avoid or repel the midgie

Before deciding on how extreme your midgie precautions should be on any given trip or excursion, it might be an idea to check out the midgie forecast. That’s right…a forecast…just for midgies. Here have a look:

http://2010.midgeforecast.co.uk/

Once you’ve ascertained the midgie levels in your area, you may then proceed to adopt any or all of the following precautions and midgie repellant methods:

So, to summarise: in order to stay midgie free on your next Scottish jaunt, be sure to keep walking at all times; in the sun, in a windy area, while wearing an all white protective body suit and beekeeper hat. SIMPLE!

OR, you could do the sensible thing, and get yourself some Avon ‘Skin So Soft’ body spray. Although not actually created as a midgie repellant, it sure as hell does the trick. What’s more, this delightful product leaves your skin oh so soft and smelling pretty. BONUS. You can purchase yours here:

http://avonshop.co.uk/beauty/b/bath-and-bodycare/skin-so-soft.html

 

STEP THREE: Enjoy a bite free midgie season! Hurrah!

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